Be contradicting! Tell your students that they will
receive proper guidance on their assignments, but only offer vague, unclear
directions. Be sure to fail them when they do not meet your unclear
expectations.
Be
the teacher, but fail to teach. Unload countless amounts of information onto
your students. Yet, neglect to deliver any of the information in a
comprehensible manner.
Think
for your students! Because it is proven that the notion of allowing them to
think for themselves is absolutely absurd.
Allow
the students in the back of the class to sit and talk during instruction. After
all, they are a lost cause anyways.
Often
stray away from school and class related topics. The students are obviously
there to hear your uneventful, far from relevant, life story.
Under
no circumstances should you give feedback! Why bother? Students could care less
why they received one grade or another. Don’t even burden yourself with telling
them what they did well and what they could improve on. This would be a great time
to pass up an opportunity to teach. After all, there is NEVER any possibility
for improvement.
Avoid
differentiating instruction. It is a fact that there is no lesson more
effective than the classic, “I talk, you listen” methodology. Students will
undoubtedly fall asleep, but that is not a result of hearing the same
monogamous voice the entire period.
And
if I’ve taught you nothing so far make sure you remember to absolutely,
positively never, ever include your students in any way shape or form. If you
do that, they may actually learn something!! I know . . . scary right?
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